Why I started writing again after I had given it up.

I heard a line from an old Ani Difranco song recently and it made me think a little. the line was this one:

“Art is why i get up in the morning,

But my definition ends there,

and it doesn’t seem fair,

That I’m living for something,

I can’t even define.”

I have plenty of times where i question myself and what i do. Why i am a writer, and why do i put so much of myself into something that is so nebulous and so obviously doesn’t pay the bills. The answer comes back to something simple. Because I have to. Feeding that creative spark nurtures me in ways that nothing else does and I need it. Other than wanting to be a Jetfighter pilot when I was a little, being a writer is the earliest thing I can ever remember wanting to be. It has had times of being very submerged under the weight of getting a real job and being a proper grown up and a litany of things I did when I was younger because I thought it was what I should do, but that desire has never left me. During the years when I filed it as a youthful dream that i should just forget about, writing still spilled out of me in small ways. Random poems, phrases and sentences that i would scribble on scrap paper and ideas for stories would still come to me.

About a year ago now I pulled out a manuscript that I had written in my early 20s, It is somewhere in the vicinity of 60,000 words. I have no exact idea of the word count because it was written partly by hand and partly on a typewriter. There is no electronic copy of it with a handy automatic word count, so i can only estimate. Because, i do not have the patience to actually go through and physically count them. But it is a solid piece of writing that i spent a year and a half on, much of it was written in a notebook as I sat behind the counter of a little chinese restaurant that i worked at the time. For some reason the owner didn’t seem to mind that when it was quiet I just sat and wrote. Luckily for me at the time i guess.

When I dug that sheaf of paper out that I had carried with me through many, many moves I remembered that I have always had the intention to go back and finish it and try to have it published and I decided at that point to try this writing thing again and to give back to it the zeal that I had approached it with then, where I made myself keep writing regularly, even when I didn’t feel particularly inspired. because that is how I had managed to hammer out that sheaf of paper covered in words.

Why? Because even though I sometimes feel like a self conscious wanker for thinking it, I feel like I have something to say and because as two very important people once told me way back when “The world needs writers”.

art is the reason


3 comments on “Why I started writing again after I had given it up.

  1. The world DOES need writers. Hear hear!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you came back to writing. Polish that story up and figure out how to publish it. And write another one. You can do it and still keep up with your responsibilities.

    And if you can’t find the time to let your words out, eventually it will hurt you and you’ll regret it. So keep writing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tarquin BC says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Cathleen. So much of this can feel like shouting into the void that it is really encouraging to hear from someone who has read one of my posts.
      You are very right in that it will hurt me in the long run if i don’t get it out. I’ve already been through the regret of stopping once, i do not intend to do it again. I’ve realised that i am a writer because i need to be.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s